Today, August 4th 2023 marks 33 years of being Mrs. Kozan. We will celebrate here at home in a quiet weekend together. Maybe even dig out the old staticky VCR transferred to DVD movie of our ceremony. A far cry from the quality that wedding videographers like Elite Wedding Productions, bring to ceremonies today. Watching one from this week from a young couple’s ceremony I officiated was absolutely stunning to see it all come together. A meaningful keepsake that captures the joy and personalities of the couple, their wedding party, family and guests. Still photography can do so as well but capturing visuals only. Photography has sure improved over 33 years. My Iphone can take higher quality photos from many of the professional photographers equipment back in the day!

In our snap happy world we live in though, it’s important to note that it’s not the photos, videos, flowers, food, clothing, venue or music that makes a wedding truly memorable, it’s the couple and the messages conveyed throughout that starts and ends with love.

The Many “Firsts”

As we reminisced on our wedding day, it’s inevitable how our memories will back up to our many “Firsts”. Our first day we met in Winnipeg in the winter of 1988 leading to an exchange of phone numbers, our first official date, first kiss, first dance, first time we told each other we loved one another. This all transpired over our 2.5 long distance dating years from Minnesota to Saskatoon. (Including the sad few weeks of our dramatic break up and then make up season), the engagement in 1989 which opened the door for all the joys of wedding planning.

I loved it then, and I still love it now.

Ever since I walked down the aisle to say my vows to Tim before family and friends in 1990, I have wondered why we do the things we do in weddings? I knew some had deeper meaning, and some simply fun traditions or cultural preferences. So in light of the recent weddings in our household the last few years, attending some and now officiating weddings, (Click here to learn more about one of the hats I wear as wedding officiant), I was inspired to do a bit of research on the topic!

Just for fun, I searched the web for wedding symbolisms, and in terms of cultural customs, I found this article from Bride to be fascinating: “42 Fascinating Wedding Traditions From Around the World”- some filled with superstitions, others out of respect for one’s heritage, and others just plain fun. In looking at this first list- the only one I did out of the 42 was #13 Norweigan Kransekaka Wedding Cake as a secondary cultural piece in honour of my ancestry.

Traditions

AUGUST 4TH, 1990: WE HAD A TRADITIONAL NORWEGIAN WEDDING CAKE (ALMOND BASED FROSTED COOKIE RINGS OVER A WINE BOTTLE) SERVED WITH PUNCH AT OUR RECEPTION. I ASKED MY AUNT MARILYN, AND AUNT JOYCE AND UNCLE LARRY SERVE THIS AS GUESTS ARRIVED. THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING CAKE WAS SERVED AFTER DINNER.

In the blogpost “30 Creative Wedding Rituals That Symbolize Unity”, the only one on that list that was typical for weddings in our day that Tim and I had on our special day was #17, “Lighting the Unity Candle”.

Symbolism

LIGHTING THE" “UNITY CANDLE” WAS A TRADITION SO COMMON BACK IN THE DAY WHEN TIM AND I WERE MARRIED IN 1990. NOW, THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER UNIQUE WAYS TO EXPRESS THIS SENTIMENT OF ‘TWO BECOMING ONE” THROUGH SONG, POETRY, SAND (our eldest, my stepdaughter Amanda and Kevin did that for their destination wedding in 2020 in Cancun!), TREES OR OTHER SYMBOLISM THAT IS ALSO MEMORABLE. I STILL HAVE THAT CANDLE IN OUR CHINA CABINET!

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

— Matthew 19:4-6 ESV

The Groom Enters First

My tim on our wedding day- wearing his penguin suit. Both of us were so HOT wearing thick satin , heavy material on a 90 degree day, but we were beaming with joy nontheless.

Many traditions that we anticipate are often linked to historic symbolism linked to scriptural truths. One of the reasons I started officiating weddings the last few years is that it gives me an opportunity to bless other couples, and in doing so- I sense an added blessing to my own relationship with my husband. So regardless of the couple’s faith perspective or not, it is tradition that the groom enters first leading up to the bride walking down the aisle. Why do you think that is? Not to say all weddings are like this but a great majority follow this protocal in the ceremony.

“Ephesians 5:23-32 reveals that earthly marriages are a picture of the church’s’ union with Christ. God initiated the relationship through Christ, who called and came for his bride, the church. Christ is the (spiritual) groom, who established the- covenant first initiated by God. For this reason, the groom enters- first.”- DD*

The White Wedding Dress

ITs fun looking back at all the fashion trends of brides throughout the years. For me? I was heavily influenced by Lady Diana’s dress style? Makes perfect sense to have heavy satin, long sleeve. heavy lace dresses in the heat of a Summer wedding, right? I think they called them “Leg o Mutton” sleeves.

“The white wedding dress has a two-fold significance. It is a symbol of the wife’s purity in heart and in reverence to God. It’s also a picture of the righteousness of Christ described in Revelation 19:7-8. Christ clothes his bride, His people/ the church, in his own righteousness as a garment of “fine linen, bright and clean.”- DD*

OK- I do have to admit, I felt guilty as a 20 year old engaged to be married and choosing a white dress for my wedding day. Although I would say I wasn’t necessarily ‘walking with the Lord’ consistently in my youth and teen years, I knew enough about scripture and what the white traditionally meant (i.e, virginity, “purity”), or so I thought. As I married, moved up to Canada and rediscovered a deeper more personal faith- I understood the symbolism of what the white dress represents spiritually. I can now look back at my wedding day photos with grace for regrets. My heart was in the right place for what I knew at the time- and God honours our steps of faith each leg of the journey. (More on that later).

From not until eternity, it is BOTH Tim and I, both men and women across the globe are called and invited into this symbolic reality called the “Bride of Christ”. Our hearts are not pure in and of themselves, so we trust God to give us His pure heart day by day. (That my friend is a lifelong journey of faith of prayer, confession and repentance. I am no cinderella and Tim is no prince charming!)

The Bridal Veil

“Not only does the bridal veil show the modesty and purity of the bride and her reverence for God, it reminds us of the Temple veil which was torn in two when Christ died on the cross. Through marriage, the couple now has full access to one another. (1 Corinthians 7:4)”-DD*

Ok, now whoa. That’s deep. I wore a veil on our wedding day, and I didn’t think anything about what it symbolized. I like the old fashioned weddings of the 50’s where in the movies, they’d walk down the aisle and the groom would more often than not lift the veil over her face once they said their vows. Nope. I didn’t have that, but I felt gloriously feminine and elegant in all the wearing one nonetheless. If you read all of 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul shares some pretty passionate instructions for married folk on giving yourself fully to your spouse, which I totally get and appreciate. Yet, religion can twist scripture to mean something it isn’t meant to be, so I caution people from the extremes that are read into those directives. And yet, there is great wisdom to be found in this counsel for freedom in Christ in marriage and in singleness. Do controversies in faith communities arise from various interpretations here? Yup. Does this passage address areas of pain, regret, long-suffering or grounds for divorce? Nope. But that’s handled elsewhere- where I too have found incredible peace for our imperfect marriage as we focus on the One who perfects us now through eternity.

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The Chuppah or Wedding Canopy

Tim and I were married in the church I grew up in northern Minnesota. It was a traditional wedding which didn’t have a canopy or arch as many weddings have today. Regardless of ones cultural or faith tradition, I appreciated learning about the biblical meaning from a Jewish perspective:

“The marriage ceremony is conducted under a marriage canopy, known in Hebrew as a chuppah (literally, “covering”)…The chuppah (also commonly spelled huppah) is mentioned in the Bible in association with marriage: “As a bridegroom goes forth from his chuppah.” Elsewhere it is stated: “Let the bridegroom proceed from his chamber and let the bride go forth from the chuppah.” - My Jewish Learning .com

Our youngest daughter Justine married her high school sweetheart Kaden on August 4th 2019. So blessed to have the opportunity to share our same wedding anniversary! Their venue was at the Barn at Winds Edge in Saskatoon which had this simple yet stately canopy which the florist adorned with beautiful greenery and flowers.

Weddings, Symbolism- Ideals and Reality

The more I read up on wedding symbolism or reflect on different cultural traditions throughout the world, I grew more excited to what I believe the marriage union seeks to point to: love, commitment, a life long covenant. For many, an earthly relationship that points to an eternal relationship with God Himself.

Yet- this week comes with a plethora of emotion for Canadians as we heard the somber announcement of our current Prime Minister Justin Trudeah and his wife Sophie Grégoire Trudeau separating. The emotions were wide and opinions were vast which involved too much mud slinging on their social media accounts. It may just be a much needed separation, or they may in time call it quits. Time will tell if they do end up divorcing. I have learned that divorce is not the unforgivable sin, (more on that later too.) But the reactions speak to the fact that marriage still means something to many people.

Deep down inside we long for love, and for many that includes the storybook chapters that sweeps us off our feet and we celebrate love and the joining of two lives devoted to one another. Maybe, just maybe, that includes “til death do us part”. At this point in my journey- that too would be our dream, our desire, our prayer for our marriage.

How about you?

How about you friend? What stirs your heart when you think about marriage? You may be single, married, separated, divorced or widowed. You don’t have to have personal experience with marriage to know that our world is facing great pain when it comes to the marriage union. We don’t all agree on the purpose of it, the way to go about it, talk about it, teach on it, grow in it, mentor others through it or heal from broken hearts because of it. As you consider your own life experience thus far with the marriage union (be it your own, or witnessing it in others), What symbols in marriage stand out to you? Do any of them speak to your heart or desire for yourself or the marriages that are in your circle?

Circle of Love

I’ll end with a line I often share as I officiate weddings. After the processional, message, sharing of vows comes the part in the ceremony where the couple exchanges rings. (That too has a wide range of customs and traditions tied to that symbol throughout history!) I’d say something to the effect of:

“Because this ring has no beginning or end it signifies the continuation of true love. May these rings always remind you of your love for one another and of the vows you have taken today. And may these rings remind you of all those who have given their well wishes today. ____ please place this ring on ____ finger as a sign of your love. This ring as a symbol of your faithfulness to all the vows you have heard and taken today”

Whether a person has a wedding officiant, clergy or justice of the peace/ marriage commissioner perform the ceremony, they (and their guests) serve as witnesses to their vows. The rings are a symbol of the promise or vows they share now and hope to until the far off future together.

Regardless of your perspectives on marriage or personal philosophy or world views on marriage symbolism is, I invite you to reflect on the source of unconditional love. I’d love to recommend you read 1 Corinthians 13 in it’s entirety. Maybe even read it in a few translations and meditate on the message it conveys to your soul. I used to hear that spoke at weddings and had lofty ideas of this romantic type love that will be perfect within “soul mates”. I don’t think that way now. No, I read that God is Love (1 John 4:8). As much as we try to define love in and of ourselves, we simply cannot. Our human experience of the marriage union is not perfect. Symbols point to something else. For me? That something else is God Himself with His ultimate restoration plan mapped out from Genesis to Revelation. Until then, Tim and I will keep on keeping on in faith, hope and love as we trust in Him and His perfect love to work in and through these romantic souls in process.

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

— 1 Corinthians 13:13

OK, Gotta go! Tim and I are going to get all dressed up, meander downtown for date night and have a lovely supper. I’ll let you know if we get a chance to watch that 33 year old video of our wedding day. I’m sure I’ll laugh, and no doubt I’ll cry.